Well, it's been 10 days since my last post. In that time, my neck has recovered even more. Sometimes it is stiff in the morning, but improves as I move about. I read in book that the head stand pose shouldn't even be attempted if you can't hold the shoulder stand pose for 6-8 minutes. This is a really good thing to know. I'm not sure that with my recent neck injury and my current yoga level that I should even be doing the shoulder stand pose. If you do the shoulder stand pose wrong by putting weight on your neck instead of your shoulders, you can end up hurting yourself too.

I did go back to yoga class last Tuesday. It felt great! I did skip the shoulder stand. I need to figure out what I can do in place of it. I probably could just do a sitting pose and meditate on my intention. It was a bit more challenging to not compare myself as I was choosing not to do some of the poses that night. My wrists are pretty weak, so I can't do Wheel Pose. I just had to remind myself that I was glad that I was there. I would rather skip something than be in pain because I had show the people around me that I could keep up with them. Truth is they could probably care less, if I could keep up with them. Nor would they probably want me to hurt myself. It is nice to be able to take care of my body.

While we were winding down, I realized how much I had been pushing myself. How I had been choosing really unhealthy foods to eat and not getting enough sleep. Oh and spending too much money. Yoga that night was one of the best things to slow me down and show me that I needed to change my choices! I think I slept the best that I had in days that night too! I was able to make different choices even though I didn't feel like it and by Friday I was feeling much better! It's amazing what can happen when I listen to my body!

I did Tree Pose, Palm Tree, and Triangle Pose today for the first time. I can't lift my leg up to my thigh without it hurting or me falling over for tree pose. But Palm tree was nice and I didn't need to do any modifications! Triangle pose is a warrior/twist pose and I needed to use a block because I could twist all the way. Most material that you read will tell you that it's most important to do the full stretch. It's about the breathing and recognizing how far you go and keeping your body aligned properly.

That's all I know for today. Namaste.

What a relief!

My neck is almost back to normal! I am so glad! When I was in the middle of the pain, it felt like it was never going to heal. I guess taking it easy and listening to your body really does work. I didn't make it to my yoga class on Tuesday, but I did practice at home. It was the relaxing, evening routine that I have on a DVD. I think the only asana (pose) that I didn't do, was Cataranga or Push-up pose. A friend told me that yoga would probably help my neck as long as it wasn't intense, and I have to say I didn't really believe her. But I have new faith in the healing power of yoga. It felt slightly better when I was done which was surprising for how stiff and sore I was. And then Wednesday I felt even better. I could move my neck around without automatically being in pain. It is wonderful. I am reading a book about Iyengar yoga and it is quite helpful! I will post the name of it the next time I write.

I have to say that my listening and trusting was quite a struggle yesterday. When things are out of my control, I tend to "freak out". I think whatever the worst case scenario is going happen and then worry about it happening. My stomach gets all upset and out of whack, and I have the urge to try and calm my fear with any available substance. These days it's food or money while it used to be alcohol and drugs. I'm am grateful that it isn't alcohol or drugs anymore, and I haven't gone crazy with food. But money. . .well, that's where I need to listen and trust. My friend tells me that there is enough time, love and money. For someone who typically doesn't feel like she has enough of anything, this is a difficult lesson or affirmation to hear. And to practice.

I must wrap this up and continue to practice! Thank you to everyone who encourages me and guides me! Namaste.

Pain is Motivating

So, my ankle and wrist are much better. But my neck is still sore and stiff! I tend to be someone who is grateful for my physical abilities because I work with many clients that have very limited physical abilities. But I have a whole new appreciation for my neck and how important it is to everyday life. I will say that Arnica Gel is wonderful! Yesterday evening and today I have had to take it much easier than I was because I realized my neck was not improving. Now it is more stiff than say painful. It has been hard to just sleep on back. I am normally a side or stomach sleeper. But I am so fed up with it hurting that I have been willing to stay on my back.

If I am still stiff tomorrow, I will hopefully be able to get a massage. I am not sure if I am going to be able to go to yoga class on Tuesday. I would have to practice a lot of modifications and be okay with not doing as much as everyone else. I will see how things go!

If anyone is interested, www.yogajournal.com has a lot of tips. They even have a sanskrit dictionary and explanations on certain chants.

I am continuing my listen and trust mantra. As I have to decide about bidding for a job at work or not. Listen and trust. Listen and trust. . .Listen and trust.

Thank you to my friends for your support and love on this journey! Namaste.

Learning to listen. . .

to my body! I think this is what I am going to have to improve on. I fell about an hour before my yoga class Tuesday. I seemed to be okay right after I fell and so I went as I planned.

As soon as I started my yoga practice, my knee hurt in the sitting pose. I already use a modification for my back, and I wasn't sure what to do about my knee. Then we did a short chant. Om, shanti, shanti, shanti, Om. . . It's wonderful. I never did the chanting for I started this class. There is something beautiful and profound about chanting these sanskrit words. Well, then we were on to downward dog and my right wrist was hurting more than I thought it was. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to put my weight on it or not. But it got easier and I decided to push through it.

My practice this night was much more difficult than the previous week. I was in a different spot than the week before. I had two friends there that hadn't come the week before. I was no longer on vacation. And I was pissed off about a situation at work. But I went in with the intention that I needed to trust that it would work itself out. I no longer was in control, so my action was to let go and trust higher power. I was glad to practice this while I had yoga, had I stayed home and been in my head it would've been much harder! It was also difficult to not worry about how my friends were doing in the class. At least when I went, I didn't expect things to be as they were the week before.

That night some practiced headstand pose, headstand strengthener and headstand modified. I think this is when I somehow strained my neck. I realized how weak my upper body is and how I need to work on strengthening it before I try this again! My wrist is still hurting today too. I think my ankle is healing. After some rest, arnica, stretching and ice, I do feel my body healing itself which I am extremely thankful!

So, I am learning that not only do I need to listen to my body outside of yoga, but also in yoga. I don't need to try and something just because I used to do be able to do it a year ago. I need to work with where I am at today, so that I can work back up to a higher fitness level.

I also am realizing how much I don't know about yoga. All the terms for the poses and different branches of yoga. This is something I would like to explore here on my blog. So for the next few days, I am going to continue to take it easy and hopefully be able to do class on Tuesday. Even if it is with some modifications. Listen and Trust. I think this is my new mantra. Namaste.

So, I did end up practicing yoga on Sunday night. It was almost like I was on auto pilot. In the past I would make up a million excuses why I didn't want to. It was actually the first time I did yoga at my new apartment. My new living room is much smaller than my old living room and that was one of the previous reasons I used to not do yoga. Well, my mat and I both fit in the living room along with my christmas tree that is still up. It was nice to some slow, relaxing yoga right before I went to bed. It still amazes me how great I feel when I am done and how much I am actually able to do. Especially when I have my little Kazuki trying to do yoga with me! He is a 10 lb. maltese-poodle mix. I love when he does his little stretches after waking up! I don't know if I will ever do down dog as good as he does it, but at least I can try.

I love how when I practice honoring myself with my yoga practice that it spills over into other areas of my life. Somehow it's easier to make healthier food choices. Easier to not spend my money compulsively. Easier to take care of myself and say no to something and relax. Easier to listen to my inner voice. This is part of my intention as I am on this life journey. Namaste.

The chatter in my head

There have been several things in the past day or two that have nagged at me. Someone I admire is speaking, time with my girlfriend, down time, etc. All of these are excuses that I have in the past let me distract myself from things that nuture my soul. It has been challenging, yet rewarding to be able to say no and stay focused on my commitment to myself. My commitment to my yoga practice. I will be at yoga class on Tuesday, unless higher power has other plans. Until then I plan to actually do some yoga at home tonight - no excuses! It will help me prepare my mind and body to return to work after 9 days off. Namaste.

My first yoga class

I'm 27 and started practicing yoga at my apartment in early 2009. I chose to use a DVD that I bought from the store. I chose this route due to money constraints and how much fear I had to do yoga in front of others.

I've been overweight the majority of my life. Growing up fat, I learned that I should be ashamed of my body. I tried to be invisible the best that I could so that people wouldn't notice me. It was easy to do because most people ignored me anyways when they passed me on the street, in a store, etc. I learned that fat equaled ugly and that I shouldn't be sexual at all. Over the last four years, I have lost about 105 lbs. and been able to keep off 80 lbs. of that weight loss. I went from a size 28 to a size 16, and I stay at size 18 these days.

Now I realize that I'm not as big as I used to be, but in our society today being a size 18 still tends to be get put in the overweight/obese category. And while I do not loathe my body like I used to, I was still pretty uncomfortable practicing yoga in front of others. I mean from my limited knowledge of yoga, I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. Because I only saw thin, skinny, fit people doing yoga.

I do not fit in this category. Seriously what are people going to think of ME doing yoga. You have to twist, bend, and do these poses that can seem a little suggestive at times!

Well, this past tuesday, I had the opportunity to take part in a free yoga class. It was an hour and a half. I hadn't done yoga in months. I had only done 30-40 minutes at a time before this night. But I'm on vacation and I was completely committed to having a refreshing vacation. Yoga fit the bill.

So the following is the post from my facebook status when I came back from yoga class that night.

um, so. . .yoga. it was. i need more practice. and at least i'm still pretty flexible for a big girl, right?! lol. at the end i had this moment. i knew i was doing something healing and enriching for myself then my body was just like-we miss this, we should do this more-and i felt like crying. and i'm ok with this.

This post and other inspiring circumstances have led me to creating this blog. I believe yoga can be for everyone. My first yoga class showed me that I don't need to be ashamed of my body. I can do downward dog with everyone else. I don't need to compare myself with everyone else. I don't have to be the best. It is enough to be me and practice yoga the best that I can.

In a world where diets, eating disorders, and health complications due to these disorders run rampant, my goal is to commit myself to my yoga practice. For my health and my spirit. Why should I continue to deny myself of something that is so invigorating, rejuvenating, and challenging? It is time. Time to live fully and that for me includes practicing yoga.

Join me on my journey. Namaste.